To show my love.

On one hand, I feel like it’s time. I feel like Braun is ready to come out, and I am ready for him to be born. On the other hand, I feel completely unprepared and unaware of the world Brian, Braun and myself are about to enter.

He gets the hiccups at least once a day, and I feel so sorry for him every time! Maybe it’s because I get the hiccups when I’m nervous, so I immediately assume that he is uncomfortable or distressed. I hope not.

Sarah Mendenhall took our maternity photos a couple weeks ago, and I LOVE them!! You can check them out at alabasterboxphoto.com.

Brian’s drop night was just moved to 9 September, so we have a little less than 7 weeks till we find out where we are going and what aircraft he gets! Should be an adventure!

So much has been changing lately. It’s kind of overwhelming. Some of our closest friends are leaving on Monday for Louisiana. We’ve spent an enormous amount of time with them over the last year and a half, and Brian and I both are going to miss them dearly. We’ve been to ASBC, gone through training, gotten puppies, and now gotten pregnant together! It’s been a beautiful adventure, one that I am sad to see end. He will be flying with the B-52s and staying at Barksdale AFB for his first assignment. I pray our paths cross again in the future.

Today I am 34 weeks pregnant. WHAT??? I can’t believe that sometime in the next few weeks, we’re going to have a baby! An adorable, crying, messy, life-changing baby. I had my first dream about birth, nursing, and caring for him last night. It made everything a little more real. I’m getting excited to meet him. To hold him. I hope I’m a good mom. I feel so selfish and conceited when I think about the way I live right now. I pray God will change my whole outlook on life and obedience and selflessness.

We decided to name him Braun Michael Merritt, after both of our fathers.

Our upstairs neighbors recently vacated the premises, and I am thoroughly elated! We now are the only ones who have access to our front porch, which means I can open up our front window and let the cats explore as much as they want. They have spent most of the time trying to stalk the birds. It also lets a wonderful cool breeze into the house. Lovely.

My doctor moved my due date forward a week to September 2nd (it originally was August 25th). So, that means I’ll be 16 weeks this Friday. Honestly, it upset it me a little. The technology isn’t very accurate and doctors base the due date off of the measurement they take at the 10-12 week ultrasound. As in my case, they couldn’t see the entire baby so they couldn’t get an accurate measurement. It took me about an hour to realize that it doesn’t really matter what I want or think because God knows exactly when the baby is going to come and when he/she SHOULD come. And that knowledge gives me peace. It helps being able to trust Him who never changes and knows everything about us. So, this is a photo of me at 15 weeks (but I thought it was 16 weeks). I’ve had some interesting emotional (and physical) changes since becoming pregnant. I have this desire to be right when I talk to Brian or at least be affirmed. We’ve been arguing a little bit more about petty things, and I always walk away extremely hurt because I don’t have the stamina nor skin to argue on his level (which is usually why I pass). I don’t really understand it. Is it me needing affirmation? Or stubbornness in wanting to be right about everything? I’m not sure. I’m just really trying to be appreciative of his encouragement and love because I don’t feel like it. I hope it is just a phase and will pass. Pain doesn’t feel good.

God has blessed us with a little baby!! I am about 12 weeks pregnant and already feeling a little on the large side, but I know I have a LONG way to go. Thankfully, I haven’t had too much morning sickness, just a few bouts here and there. Unfortunately, the only remedy seems to be eating lots of breads and crackers. It seems if my stomach isn’t full of them, I’m gonna be sick!

I want to start documenting how my belly changes, so here is a picture from yesterday (which we will call 12 weeks). And here is the first sonogram photo!! (the baby’s head is on the left)

We received as a wedding gift The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness by Dave Ramsey, and we finally got around to reading it last month. It’s awesome! We started implementing his envelope system 2 weeks ago and it’s been working alright thus far. We’ve found out it’s extremely difficult to stay exactly within your budget when you haven’t been for such a long time. But it forces me to only use the cash I have on hand, so I end up spending less. The object of the game is to find places where you are spending too much money, trim those down, and use the extra money to put toward your debt (the truck). The hardest part for us right now is that we are using almost every penny Brian makes, and we don’t seem to have any places to trim down. We’re hoping as more time goes by we find some of those places. I would definitely recommend this strategy to anyone who wants to create a more rigid budget! It is really helping us not spend more than we are earning!

I still can’t seem to find a job. I think I’m going to try one of the resume workshops the base offers at the end of the month and see if that’s my problem. I know I’m being sort of picky with what I choose to apply for, but I think it’s important to make sure I feel safe, comfortable, and surrounded by healthy and uplifting people. I don’t want to go to work and then come home and complain to Brian about everything that is going wrong because that won’t help him at all. He’s the one we’re trying to make sure gets through classes, and I know my primary job is to make sure our home life is going well and that I am being very supportive.

I’m also really frustrated that his class dates got pushed back again. The system seems a little broken. Guys who’ve been here less time than we have have already started, while Brian keeps being pushed later and later. I guess I just need to give that up to the Lord to control. He knows better than we do.

I just realized I have a dependency on chocolate and ice cream. If I am out of just one or the other, I can make it. But if both are missing, I start to get a little depressed. Sugar or fat dependency? I need to work on that…

I feel like updating the recipes I’ve tried from simplyrecipes.com

1. Simple Salsa- found out I was allergic to cilantro, but tasted good!
2. Veggie Tacos- delicious

I’m blanking on the others… maybe I’ll update next week? I’m trying 4 new recipes this week.

I went on a road trip with my family June 16-July 10 to Montana. It was quite an adventure. Brian left for IFS June 14th, so I had a couple days to myself. My family drove up from Orlando the 15th and spent the night at my house. We left the next day for Jonesboro, AR, which was a fairly easy drive. One of our stops was a gas station and bar in one. VERY interesting. The lady who owned the place was really sweet though. Next day we drove up through Missouri, Iowa, and finally stopped in Sioux Falls, SD. The weather finally got a little cooler once we got that far north. The next day we got to drive by the Corn Palace (I was super excited) and stop in a Cabela’s. My mom had always gotten the catalogs from them, so I was interested to see what the store was like. And it was awesome! Hunting, fishing, camping, you name it.  They had ALL the stuff. We had a long drive across South Dakota, including passing “Wall Drug”, which very much reminded me of “South of the Border”. That night, we had time to see Mt Rushmore and stayed in Rapid City. The next morning we went back to Mt Rushmore and went through the tourist town of Keystone, where they put on a real live cowboy gun fight. One of the cowboys even complemented Charlie! In the afternoon, set off for Bilings. I think that was the first hotel that didn’t allow us to have dogs… so we had to sneak them out the back door. I hated that part. The best part of that hotel was in the morning we caught a lady leaving our hotel right after breakfast and walking over to the hotel next door. She had come over for a free breakfast! We traveled a short distance to Helena, MT and stopped for a Fathers’ Day dinner. After that we ended up in Augusta, MT where Ian and Andrew attended a week long TeenPact alumni event called Survival. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting some amazing people and enjoying the land. I got to go on a couple cool hikes (in 37 degree water) and learned that I would eventually like to carry a gun.

After Survival, we drove to Big Fork, MT and spent 4 nights with a sweet family we met at the camp. Mom and Larry decided to get married (woohoo!), and we had an awesome little outdoor wedding (that was planned overnight). They honeymooned in Glacier National Park for 2 days, and we hung out with some of the camp staff. We got to swim in a backyard, man-made swimming hole with a tarp across the bottom. It was so cool!

When mom and Larry got back from their honeymoon, we drove to Libby, MT and stayed with the Bakers for a few days. I got to see a mushroom the size of my head, lots of cattle, and a few coyotes. The boys got to shoot in the general direction of some prairie dogs as well We tried to leave that friday, but once we hit Helena, the engine started making an awful knocking sound. The first mechanic we found told us, after looking at the car for less than a minute, that we would need and entire new engine and it would take a week. We didn’t believe him. We took it to Midas, who took an hour to come to the same conclusion. After getting a hotel for a night to try and figure out what was best, we found out that no car companies were letting rental cars out of the area because of recent hailstorms AND it would cost thousands of dollars to fly us home AND it was the fourth of July weekend so mechanics we closed till Monday or Tuesday. GAH. Another family from camp kindly put us up for a week until the car was fixed. We got to see refrigerator canyon, go shopping a lot, see a Murdoch’s (another awesome Ranch & farm supply store), and learn how to cook in dutch ovens! It was a blast. The car was finally done the following Friday, and we set off for home. After getting an oil change in Billings, we decided to drive straight home…a 36 hour drive. It was one of the most miserable experiences I had to go through in the past few years, but thankfully we pulled into our driveway at about 1am Sunday morning. It was so surreal to see Brian again after being on the road for a month.

Overall, it was a very difficult but sweet experience. It was so fulfilling to spend time with my brothers and get to know Larry in the context of being my step father. We shared many laughs and complaints, but I’m so happy I got to go with them. I’m extremely thankful that God provided me with the opportunity to spend time with my family, especially when it coincided so perfectly with Brian being gone at IFS for 3 weeks. Unfortunately, he was home an entire week before I got home! That was not what we had thought would happen at all!

Jonny and Charlie did wonderfully the entire trip. They met horses, mules, bunnies, and many other dogs. I learned that Charlie loves scat. Deer, bear, horse, mule, bunny, it doesn’t matter which kind. He will always try to role in it!

We’ve already made it 2 years!!!!!!!! I’m so proud of us! And I’m so thankful to God that he has already been blessing our marriage. I feel so much more peaceful and calm about our relationship and in our interactions.

I’ve learned that I always need to speak about the things that are bothering me to Brian. Even if they are completely selfish and awful and I am ashamed of them, I still feel peaceful and fuller after talking to him about them. It’s taken me a long time to understand this and each time I choose to talk about something, it gets a little easier. Within the same category, I find that I need to express what matters to me. I am actually being SELFISH not SELFLESS if I don’t do this! Which is strange because I always feel I’m “trying to be selfless” by keeping it inside.

I’ve learned that I won’t always feel loved, lovely, or lovable but God is who gets us through those times. If we put our trust in Him, he will direct and sustain us. If we surrender our will (our thoughts, desires & affections) to Him, He WILL be faithful!

I’ve learned that Brian desires honor and respect. That means being supportive of him verbally in public (taking his side). That means respecting his judgement, his ability, during our communication, and in my assumptions of him.

I recently was told that women go into marriage expecting to change the man they married. I’m trying to stop those feelings. God will change Brian the way he sees fit, if Brian is focused on God and faithful to Him. If God wants to use me, awesome! But if not, I need to stop trying to make it happen on my own.

It was also shared with me that until you find out what shows your spouse love, they don’t feel loved. End of story.

I’ve learned that I MUST be willing to try new things with Brian. I MUST be willing to go outside of my comfort zone and explore and experience the world with him because that is something he desires.

Getting to know you, baby, is going to take the rest of my life, and I am so excited!!!!

I’ll light the fire
You put the flowers in the vase
That you bought today

Staring at the fire
For hours and hours
While I listen to you
Play your love songs
All night long for me
Only for me

Come to me now
And rest your head for just five minutes
Everything is good
Such a cosy room
The windows are illuminated
By the sunshine through them
Fiery gems for you
Only for you

Our house is a very, very, very fine house
With two cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
‘Cause of you

I’ll light the fire
And you place the flowers in the jar
That you bought today- Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

I remember my mom and dad singing this song while I was growing up. I miss that.

Our house is a very, very, very fine house as well. But, ever since we moved in, I have been hearing things, especially when I’m alone. When the stove vent or the shower or the neighbors shower is on, I think I hear music. I ask Brian if he hears it, and he always replies that I’m crazy. Oh well. Here’s to noisy houses!

Lists are the best way to go. Always.

List of recipes I’ve tried from Simplyrecipes.com and my views/comments:

1. 7-Layer Bean Dip
2. All Butter Crust for Sweet and Savory Pies (Pate Brisee)- perfect for pies!
3. As-You-Like-It Breakfast Casserole- always easy & good
4. Asparagus- yummy way to do it!
5. Asparagus Pesto with Pasta- made me sick, but Brian happily ate the whole thing!
6. Baked Brie- I ate the entire thing…
7. Banana cookies- not great. Tasted like banana bread except a little over cooked.
8. Black Bean Salad- delicious! I would leave out some of the black beans. I used cumin instead of the pepper. It’s very refreshing And I’m eating it right now…
9. Blueberry Peach Fruit Salad with Thyme- definitely not my thing.
10. Cheddar Cheese Puffs- I wish I had eaten all of them… So easy, with amazing results!
11. Cheesy Bread- I think I almost killed Brian with these. They are EXTREMELY cheesy and therefore a little greasy.
12. Corn Chowder- a little strange, but not terrible.
13. Easy Black Beans and Rice- very good!
14. Easy Shepherd’s pie- used frozen veggies instead
15. Enchiladas- good, but I used Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes and it made them too sweet. I added turkey (strange, I know), which was also good.
16. Extra Thick Apple Pie- delicious!!
17. French Onion Soup- delicious! I let it simmer too long, which I wouldn’t recommend. Very heavy.
18. Fresh Tomato Salsa- pretty good
19. Hamburger and Macaroni- “man food”
20. Honey Mint Glazed Chicken- couldn’t taste the honey and mint enough
21. Kid-Friendly Wraps- simple, but out of the box thinking!
22. Marc’s Cashew Chicken- too many cashews (I’d cut in half), and don’t let it simmer too long or else the flavor diminishes
23. Molasses Spice Cookies- I swear I made these, but I can’t remember what I thought. I remember my mother enjoying them…
24. Mom’s Stuffed Bell Peppers- seriously, make sure you season these thoroughly
25. Parmesan Chicken- oh, so good!
26. Peanut Butter Cookies- perfect!!!!
27. Perfect Guacamole- pretty good
28. Potato Leek Soup- yum!
29. Talerine Beef Casserole- yummy! but ENORMOUS! I added too many veggies and thought it still tasted good.
30. Twice Baked Potatoes- extremely yummy, I just wish they got a little crispier
31. Veggie Tacos- mmmmm!!